Until today this blog existed as a virtual diary in the Notepad app of my iPhone.
I didn’t really intend to create a blog. But I live inside my own head a lot and needed a place to record my thoughts on this crazy journey I’ve been on. I figured one day, when I’m older and am possibly tied down by the responsibilities of life, I’ll want to read back and relive a day in the life my younger, carefree, partially selfish-self. The one who divorced and ended a 13-year relationship, left San Francisco where I had lived my entire life, and walked away from a career I spent 10 years building.
All so I could “Wing It.”
My life, that is.
So I could throw out the script that no longer worked for the movie of my life.
The old me would’ve been like “Bitch are you crazy? You make good money at that job!” In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s what my parents secretly think.
Few people really get why I had to do this. But I’m okay with that. Because since I began living my life for me, I’ve never been so happy, fulfilled and terrified all at the same time.
I had to have faith that I already had all the answers even if I didn’t know what they were yet.
I started this journey back in September when I came to London as an underground hip-hop journalist – a gig I fell into in what seemed like a beautiful accident. The people I met during that time would change the course of my life, even if they don’t realize it. And 8 months later, I’m still in London where I’ve been living off and on for the past 8 months as I’ve hopped around Western Europe. My passport and Instagram pages are fuller, my bank account is emptier, but my mind and heart are richer than I ever could’ve imagined. Had I not gone on this journey, I never would’ve met and fallen in love with a man who treats me like a queen every single day. Or realized I can enter a new city as a stranger, and leave with amazing new friends.
“But love don’t pay the bills, dumbass!” says Common Sense.
Yeah I know. I haven’t quite figured that part out yet. But based on what I’ve learned so far, you can’t find your way to your destination until you look down at the path in front of you. So I’m winging it – taking it one step at a time and allowing the pieces to fall into place as I go along. Which is the complete opposite of how I lived life before
If you’ve read this far, I’m humbled. You’ll soon realize my sarcastic, assholish exterior is just a cover-up. Cause deep down I’m hella sappy and a hopeless romantic.
I’ve cried more often on this trip than I care to admit, but I’m okay with that because sometimes you have to break down in order to build yourself back up to the person you want to be.
And although I’ve been lonely, at least I know I can stand alone. And for someone who had never so much as eaten lunch in a restaurant without someone’s company, that’s a pretty big deal.
So that’s what’s brought me here, to this blog. After months of feeling disconnected from friends and loved ones, I’m connecting by locking myself in a room and publishing these iPhone notepad posts – seems sort of backwards, but it’s worked for me so far 🙂