The power of “no” is undeniable. It takes courage to say because it isn’t always well-received. And there’s always that little doubt in your head about whether you’re doing the right thing.
Too often, we stay in unhappy situations until some outside force intervenes. We wait for other factors to close those doors for us and push us in the direction we should have taken on our own. But why leave that “no” in the hands of other people?
The term “blessing in disguise” is often used to describe an outside force that comes into your life and shakes things up, driving you in a positive direction that you wouldn’t have otherwise taken. If what you have in front of you isn’t what you want, save yourself by saying no. Don’t wait for a blessing in disguise because it will probably never come.
That’s why “no” is so powerful. Think about this:
How many times have you said yes to relationship standards that fell short of your expectations
…to a friend who asked for favors but wouldn’t do the same in return
…or to a job you hated because you were afraid you couldn’t find better?
Saying no means taking control of what you will not accept, and not leaving that decision to someone else.
Saying “no” requires not being driven by fear.
It often means rejecting an option even when you have no alternative to trade it in for, like ending a relationship or a friendship without having another set or arms to run to.
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Why embracing the power of “no” can change the course of your life:
Dating and relationships: You’ve probably made the mistake of hanging on to a partner who didn’t want the same thing as you, or subscribed to relationship standards that didn’t make you happy. It’s not that you should get what you want all the time because that’s unrealistic – but there should always be reciprocity and an equal, consistent commitment to each other’s happiness.
You have to know when to invest and when to walk away. And if you’re waiting until you find someone else to fall madly in love with you and show you what you’ve been missing, you’re doing it wrong.
Relationships aren’t like jobs – you can’t interview for a new one while holding on to the one you have. And if you are, you’re not ready to be in a relationship in the first place.
Don’t be afraid to stand on your own and end relationships that don’t meet your standards. In fact, by latching on to the wrong one, you’re guaranteeing your own misery by ensuring you’re unavailable to recognize and receive the right one.
Friendships: On a similar note as the above, your 30s are a time to say “no” to friendships of superficiality or convenience. Every friend should enhance your life in some way.
Friends should do for you as you do for them, not just when it’s convenient or when they need something. The key, again, is reciprocity. If you’re doing your part and they’re not, the word you need to remember is “no”. Free up time in your life from superficial relationships so you can dedicate time to those who enrich your life.
Personal development: It took me until now to become fit and healthy. Not because I didn’t know how to before, but because I preferred eating what I wanted, and sleeping in instead of working out.
A sign of maturity is putting less value on short-term gratification. The most worthwhile payoffs are not immediate. They take time, effort and discipline.
Sometimes that means saying “no” to a destination wedding invitation because you’re trying to save money for a car or house, or to a California burrito at 2am because you’re trying to eat healthier.
Jobs: Jobs are SO much like relationships! And that makes the job search process a lot like dating. If you’ve gone through the interview process recently, you know what I mean.
Many of the same rules apply. You have to know what you bring to the table and what you expect from the other party (your employer). If you treat the interview like a first date rather than an audition, you’ll be a little more real with yourself about whether this is a job you actually want rather than trying to blindly sell yourself into something that may not be the best match for you.
Pay attention to the warning signs because how a company treats candidates during the interview process is reflective of how they treat their employees:
Do they value your time? Do they treat the interview like an audition (one-directional) or a conversation (two-directional)? Are they transparent with their information or do they treat you like a poker opponent? If it feels like you’re forcing it, you probably are.
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Above all, remember…
If a situation doesn’t feel right or it doesn’t serve you, don’t be afraid to say no.
The hardest part is having the confidence to realize that your options are not limited to what’s in front of you at that moment, because you can create new options.
If you let fear drive your decisions, the right people/opportunities will never make their way into your life because you’ll be too busy trying to put a Band-Aid on the “yeses” that should have been “no’s”.
Winging at Life 
Well stated. Like really, really well stated. I find myself loving my relationship with my job, and I often recount our dating stages. Interviews were fun, exciting, and most importantly, insightful. Other places were draining, and ineffective; I didn’t get anything out of it. I chose to say no to what wasn’t worth my while (even though I was two seconds from living under a freeway). “No” is powerful indeed, and it’s incredible to see people with this power and not use it. As well, it is also a force that should be used properly in attaining what you really want out life. We as adults deserve the best from life and that starts with how we treat ourselves. What we subject ourselves to. And what will refuse to subject ourselves to. Fantastic shit.
May the force be with you Mari-Skywalker LOL 😘
It’s scary to turn down options when you’re not sure what your next move is but sometimes it’s necessary. Not that you should be reckless about it, but just have faith in yourself and know you’ll work hard enough to get what you really want – not just what others are willing to give you. Thanks for reading, Mo!