As I type this, I sit in an empty house. Stillness.
Until now, I’ve been going a mile a minute organizing the wedding/UK visa/jobs/animal transport, and, and….
But thanks to help from my family and my multi-tab Excel spreadsheets, checklists, and meticulous calendaring…it’s all done. And now I have nothing but time to sit and soak in the fact that I’m about to pick up my future husband from the airport in an hour, and that we get married on Saturday.
It’s been FOUR MONTHS – the longest amount of time we’ve ever been apart. And if all goes well, it’ll the longest we’ll ever be apart again.
Typing this blog post is keeping me sane. I try really hard to control my emotions at all times. I’m realizing that I need to change that, because tears remind us that we’re human. Mine are giving me comfort now, because I’m fully realizing how much I f*cking love this man. And how he is everything I never knew I always wanted.
I wish could go back and tell 2012 self that it’s all going to be okay…the 2012 self that was going through the heartache of a divorce and leaving the only relationship I had ever been in.
That’s the thing about heartache: we know it doesn’t last forever but at the time, it feels like it does. But heartache needs to be felt before it can be cured. You can’t numb it, though many us try. It only postpones the healing. You ever picked at a scab? Yeah it’s kinda like that.
I’m so glad I didn’t Band-Aid my past, even though I tried to many times.
So I may not be able to tell my 2012 self that it’s all going to be okay. But I can tell you. Tears of pain lead way to tears of joy. Mine definitely have.
Or maybe I need to stop listening to so many damn Ed Sheeran love songs. This is too much right now. I am way too emotional. I can’t be crying cause seriously, my makeup is on point and I’m not about to mess up these lashes before my baby sees me in an hour.
Somebody please tell me to chill the f*ck out.
To be continued…