Help is NOT on the way. Save yourselves: An open letter

flower-growing-on-crack-in-old-asphalt-pavement

I want to go back and tell my 2012 self, “You’re gonna be okay.”

Do you ever think about that? You’ve been through some struggles in the past. And at the time I bet you were anxious about the future. How would it all turn out? Would you be okay? What if things didn’t work out the way you expected them to?

Well, it’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when things don’t turn out like you expected. No matter how safe you try to play it, you’re not meant to have control over all aspects of your life. Shit happens. You can’t know anything with certainty.

You don’t need to predict the future. You only need to have faith in yourself. Even “when” life throws you a curveball…even one that knocks the wind out of you to the point where the pain is unbearable…you WILL be okay. Not because you saw it coming, but because you have faith that whatever happens, you’ll make it through.

Do whatever it takes to fall in love with yourself, and fall in love with your life at this moment. It cannot be dependent on any outside factor intervening, or outside person to save you, complete you, or give your life meaning.

Think about what you have been complaining the most about…

Now STOP. Stop complaining about that thing, ever again.

Seriously, complaining is the most self-fulfilling toxic act I have ever found myself (and others) fall victim to. The more you complain about something, the more fuel you give it to keep occurring.

I’ll say it again: STOP complaining.

Just stop.

Do something. Change something. Or choose acceptance or forgiveness instead. Think about everything you are grateful for and let that gratitude fill every part of you.

Be grateful.

That deserves to be repeated so I’ll say it again: BE GRATEFUL. And embrace your struggle.

If you stop complaining, start being grateful, and choose to either change your situation or your mindset, your life will change. Embrace fear, embrace the unknown.

You are not supposed to be happy and comfortable at all times. Change is uncomfortable, but only you have the power to make your life the way you want it.

I’ve heard so many stories, so many struggles, and every time I want to hug you and shake you all at the same time. Because I love you all too much to allow you to be a victim of situations that can be changed.

It’s not gonna be easy. It may take years, tears, therapy, help from friends, time at the gym, a plane ticket, a job resignation, a breakup, ending a toxic friendship. But you have to be your own hero.

Whatever is keeping you in this unhappy, stagnant place is not going to stop until you make a change. Because how can you expect your situation to change if you don’t?

I repeat: NOTHING is going to change if you don’t. Nobody is going to save you. In fact, many have probably already tried, but perhaps you’ve been too busy wallowing in your own unhappiness to listen to the answers that are right in front of you.

The bad news is: You’re the only person who can save yourself.

But the good news is: You can save yourself. You can ask for help, but nobody can do it all for you.

You’re gonna be scared as shit. You may wonder if you’re doing the right thing. That’s okay. You’ll learn to trust that feeling over time, and start listening to that voice you always knew was there.

Trust me. I’ve come a long ass way from the meek, anxious, insecure people-pleaser I was in 2012. Considering it is actually impossible for me to be ingenuine anymore, I can’t even believe I ever was that person. Even I didn’t love me then. It’s no wonder love hadn’t found me.

But now, I am my OWN groupie. Sometimes I gotta be like “Bitch, you DID it. AND you lost 20 lbs girl, YASS!” I’m two days away from moving to London to be with a husband I never would’ve crossed paths with had I not saved myself.

It’s been hard. 5500 miles and 8 time zones is enough to break most couples. But my happiness is not the result of short-term gratification. In fact, forget all about short-term gratification altogether.

FORGET about short-term gratification. Embrace the struggle.

Put in the work, ask for help, make the necessary changes, and watch your new and improved life unfold in front of you.

The difference between happy people and everyone else is we don’t expect to be comfortable all the time. We expect struggle. We expect to work hard, and to sacrifice. We take responsibility for our actions (or inactions). We are grateful for everything and everyone we have. And we don’t take it for granted.

If you really wanna change, and if you really wanna be happy, you better get to work and start taking a brutally honest look at why you are unhappy. I understand that sometimes terrible things happen that are beyond your control. So if you’ve experienced a true tragedy, I’m not suggesting that you just suck it up.

What I’m referring to is:

If there’s an aspect of your life (or several aspects) that you have been unhappy with for quite some time, then it’s no longer anyone’s fault but yours. Taking responsibility for your inaction is the first step toward correcting your path and taking ownership of your own destiny.

I say all of this with love. And I say this with brutally honest urgency, hoping that it will spark a fire of change within you.

Because I wish I could go back to 2012 and tell myself these exact words. But I can’t. So I’m telling you.

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2 comments

  1. Crystal (My Hindi Heart) · March 13, 2015

    This is really empowering and this is just what I needed to read.
    You are right! It’s a constant reminder: No one is going to save you! You have to save yourself.
    If I had not made the decision to go to India, I don’t know what my life would be like right now… But I know it wouldn’t be good.
    And life in India was much harder than I expected, but if I just wallow all the time, I’ll be unable to push through and make progress for myself.
    I’m in love! Yet I am focused on all the stress and how hard our relationship is, at a distance. I never imagined we’d be apart again (visa problems) but we are, and by god, I need to snap out of this darkness. I’m so grateful to have what I have, and I’m frustrated that I keep finding something to worry about.

    I need to celebrate. Not wallow.
    I need to power through the tough times. Not give in to the weakness.
    I have made these choices, this is what I want,and I will not be a victim to the negative circumstances that come with it!
    Thank you so much!

    • Mariela · March 16, 2015

      Crystal, I’m so touched that you would attribute such profound and personal realizations to something I wrote. I’m not sure what brought you to India but it sounds like you’re following your heart and having faith that your destined path will present itself to you. Long distance relationships are difficult – I was in one for 18 months until I came to live in London on Wednesday. But even being together is hard because you always have to work on the relationship. We shouldn’t strive for everything to be ideal because it never will be. All we can do is strive to learn and grow from every experience, and to remain awakened and intuitive to the world around us :)) I wish all you all the best in your new journey!

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