Until recently, this blog existed as a virtual diary in the Notepad app of my iPhone.
I hadn’t intended on publishing the journal I kept on this crazy-beautiful European journey of mine. But I wanted to share my story to show others that it’s not too late to start over in your 30’s. You can throw out the script if it’s not working for the movie of your life.
I figured one day, when I’m older and am possibly tied down by the responsibilities of life, I’ll want to read back and relive a day in the life my younger, carefree, partially selfish-self. The one who got divorced and ended a 13-year relationship, left San Francisco where I had lived my entire life, and took a break from a career I spent 10 years building.
All so I could “wing it.”
My life, that is.
The old, cautious me would’ve been like “Are you crazy? You make good money at that job!”
In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s what my family secretly thought.
Few people really get why I had to walk away from it all in order to start over. But I’m okay with that. Because since I began living my life for me, I’ve never been so happy, fulfilled and terrified all at the same time.
I had to have faith that I already had all the answers even if I didn’t know what they were yet.
I started this journey back in September 2013 when I came to London as an underground hip hop journalist – a gig I fell into in what seemed like a beautiful accident.
The people I met during that time would change the course of my life, even if they don’t realize it. After hopping around Europe for 10 months, I returned to California feeling like I had lived an entire new lifetime.
The world I returned to hasn’t changed…but I have, in the best possible way: I’m fearless yet grateful, adventurous yet grounded. I know exactly what I want and I’ve never been so focused on getting it.
My passport and Instagram pages are fuller, my bank account is emptier, but my mind and heart are richer than I ever could’ve imagined. Had I not gone on this journey, I never would’ve met and fallen in love with a man who treats me like a Queen every single day even though we’re 5500 miles apart. Or realized I can enter a new city as a stranger, and leave with amazing new friends.
If you’ve read this far, I’m humbled. You’ll soon realize my sarcastic, assholish exterior is just a cover-up. Cause deep down I’m hella sappy and a hopeless romantic.
I’ve cried more often on this trip than I care to admit, but I’m okay with that because sometimes you have to break down in order to build yourself back up to the person you want to be.
And although I’ve been lonely, at least I know I can stand alone. And for someone who had never so much as eaten lunch in a restaurant without someone’s company, that’s a pretty big deal.
So that’s what’s brought me here, to this blog. After months of feeling disconnected from friends and loved ones, I reconnected with the world by locking myself in a room and publishing these iPhone notepad posts – seems sort of backwards, but it’s worked for me so far 🙂